Last night was surreal. Before heading out to meet The Wife, the boys were grilling me about who I was going out with. I said it was a woman whom I had just met. They immediately asked me if I was going “Lez” again. This is what they call the period of time I was dating a woman I met on Okcupid. I’ve been with other women, but that was the first one we spoke plainly about given that they were finally old enough to ask questions and to hear the answers. I haven’t dated a woman since. I laughed and said no, but did not want to lie to them either. So I didn’t. “I’m on my way downtown to meet with the wife of my lover”. My 16 year old son rolled his eyes and smiled. My 13 year old son asked if she was going to beat me up. I treasure moments like these. We all laughed and I reassured them that I was not about to be jumped. I told them I loved them for the 10th time that day and walked out the door.
I met The Wife downtown. She walked through the door and WOW was she gorgeous. Nearly six foot, blonde bob, muscular, feminine and strong. Definitely the physical match of her husband. With long strides she made her way straight to my table… She’s obviously seen the pictures I sent to Patagonia! She didn’t smile. I said Hi, stood up, shook her hand, I got a teensy smile. All business this one! Haha, Maybe I was going to get jumped after all! For a moment I felt very uncomfortable. I was really hoping for a warmer welcome. She got up, went to the bar to order a drink. I took those moments to collect myself. When she made it back to the table, she looks at me and says “so I hear you and my husband have been having some fun”. With the 10 oz glass of imperial stout to my lips I snorted the strong brew into my naso-pharyngeal airway. I laughed, and grinning ear to ear said “yeah, a little bit”. The rest of the “date” went smoothly.
In discussing the logistics surrounding my sexual privileges with her husband I discovered that she does not self identify as poly and would prefer that any relationships outside their primary one be strictly sexual. She went on to say that this is an unrealistic expectation and that she herself enjoys a certain degree of entanglement. Her only hard and fast boundaries are that this relationship not detract from theirs, and that we don’t play at their house. We talked about triggers and the importance of communication.
I can see a connection with her in the future, but for now, she prefers to stay out of it and focus on her own adventures. Of course, my ideal is that we all get along, become fantastic friends and have long satisfying relationships! But hey, I’ll roll with it.
When she left, I still wasn’t sure if she was going to veto me or not. I was honest about my desire for connection, intimacy, and friendship in this adventure with her husband and was worried that it may have been too much for her. My fears were put to rest this morning when I woke up to a text wherein she grants me her full blessing!
I love being a grown-up. I love walking off the path and finding my own way in this crazy world. I love this unscripted life of mine!!!